Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.

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(561): View more from Florida

There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.

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(850): View more from Florida

If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.

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(206): View more from Washington

I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.

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(916): View more from California

What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding

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