He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
