I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
