Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
