My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All the doctor said was why
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
