there's paper in my vomit.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
