I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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