We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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