I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
