is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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