I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish you could order shots online.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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