where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
