It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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