Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
