I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
