one two three fourrrrnication!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
