let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
false alarm, still single
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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