cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
