he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
