I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He felt like a one man threesome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
