clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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