so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
