And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize