i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize