I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
