Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
