This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
