If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
