either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dignity is for republicans.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
