Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
