a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So vagazzling was a success
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
