tell your sister to shave her snatch
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
