Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
People in love make me want to vomit
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize