Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
