Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were destined to go to rehab together
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
