Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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