I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize