I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
