you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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