was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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