At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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