So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
pop tarts are not kleenex
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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