At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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