I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
