nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Alive.
So much puke
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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