Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
