i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
