I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize