you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
