Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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