i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
