I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
