And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
