I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize