Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
