I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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