i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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