this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
