A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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