i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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