I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
