and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
