The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
