my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When are your genitals available?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
