I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
