you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
