omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
