Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
