i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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