Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
