i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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