Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
