A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
