I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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