Too much gin, very little bucket
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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