Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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