I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize