My room smells like vodka and shame
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
