First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
