sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
