Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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